.:Intercourse:.

breaking in

2007-02-03T20:39:00.000-05:00

Ugh, My car got broken into the other night….. Some FUCK-NUT tried to pry the back window open with a screw driver and busted the glass… Then they tried to break open the steering column to steel the car! WTF??

They failed miserably and they didn’t get anything. So fuck’em... I’ll find out who it is and then I’m going after their family.. People like that SHOULD NOT SPAWN!!!!!!

Sorry that I’ve been so out of pocket lately but there has been a lot going on here… I’ve been working my ass off!!!! Plus we’re getting geared up for the SUPER BOWL!!! Brett and I are going to grill brats and watch the game here… We’ve got plenty of alcohol, appetizers and of course “THE BAD CALL BRICK”

GO BEARS!!!!!!!

Have a great night! XOXO

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BOMB

2007-01-27T10:05:00.000-05:00

Now if this does not drive the person nuts nothing will.

"The next time you find yourself on a plane, waiting to take off, sitting next to someone who cannot resist chattering to you endlessly, I urge you to quietly pull your laptop out of your bag, carefully open the screen (ensuring the irritating person next to you can see it), and hit this link ."http://www.thecleverest.com/countdown.swf

HEHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Humpday Jokes

2007-01-24T08:06:00.000-05:00

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish...................................49.
Adventurous...........................Slept with everyone.
Athletic.................................No breasts.
Average looking.....................Moooo.
Beautiful................................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure...............On medication.
Feminist...............................Fat.
Free spirit.............................Junkie.
Friendship first......................Former slut.
New-Age....................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned.......................No Blow Jobs.
Open-minded........................Desperate.
Outgoing......................Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional .........................Bitch.
Voluptuous...... ....................Very Fat.
Large frame.........................Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate.................Stalker.

Booty Slap

2007-01-20T08:37:00.000-05:00

I've been a little busy lately. I'll be back a little later to fill you in. I hope that you all are having a great weekend!!! In the meantime enjoy the booty clap.... XOXO

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Oh yeah..

2007-01-18T10:15:00.000-05:00

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Happy Humpday

2007-01-10T08:25:00.000-05:00

Good morning ~ I hope you all have a HAPPY HUMPDAY!!!! XOXO

Oh and don't forget
Check out the new T-Shirts!

TOP 12 COUNTRY SONGS FOR 2006

12. I Hate Every Bone in Her Body But Mine.

11. It's Hard to Kiss the Lips At Night That Chewed My Ass All Day.

10. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.

9. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well.

8. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

7. I Wouldn't take her to a Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

6. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

5. I'm So Miserable without you, It's like You're Still Here.

4. If I Had Shot You When I First wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By now.

3. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him.

2 She Got the Ring and I Got the Finger.

And the number 1 Country Song is:

1. I Ain't Never Gone to Bed with Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With a Few

Finger punch

2007-01-08T08:35:00.000-05:00

Good Morning ~

I hope that you all had a great weekend. Ours was pretty laid back but good… Last night we were goofing around, watching TV and Brett was holding my hand and kept trying to bite my fingers… I had no luck pulling my hand away so eventually I just gave in and my finger went right up into his nose piercing the inner side with my fingernail. Blood started to GUSH out of his nose. It looked like a faucet! He was soaking one paper towel after the next. The bleeding stopped pretty quickly but now his nose is a little sore. That will teach him not to fuck with me.. LOL

Well I’ve got to go for now. Brett wants his blow job! I hope you all have a great day!

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Happy Humpday

2007-01-03T10:09:00.000-05:00

It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop!

However, we do not run that risk when drinking beer because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.

And so, in conclusion, it is better to drink beer and talk shit than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am doing it as a public service.

Have a great HUMPDAY!!!! XOXO

New Years Eve Events....

2007-01-02T09:57:00.000-05:00

Well we had a fantastic time over the weekend. Lot’s of laughing….

Brett started his day off by falling down the stairs leaving a HUGE bruise on his butt. It didn’t look like much at first but throughout the day it turned all sorts of lovely colors eventually leaving it about the size of his fist, very sore and pitch black!

We started drinking pretty early in the day which was fine because we didn’t have to go anywhere. The downside to this would be our lack of coordination as the hours passed…

We fucked the house down and it ended 4 minutes before the ball dropped. He came inside of me and with only a few minutes to spare, I didn’t have time to run to the bathroom to clean up. So I had to shove a paper towel down there to keep from leaking all over the place. Brett got a couple of glasses of champagne and we kissed bringing in the new year….

Fireworks were going off all over the place so we went outside to smoke and he showed me the bruise that is now a lovely shade of purple. Just to make him jump, I finger punched the bruise…. I don’t think that I’ve ever heard him scream that loud… LOL

He swore revenge so he waited till I had to go to the bathroom and tickled me. I peed, just a little bit. (keep in mind that I still have this paper towel between my legs which is stuck to my lips at this point.) So now I have a piss and jizz napkin between my legs. I went to push him off of me and I accidentally slapped him in the face and my finger went into his eye. (OUCH)

Thinking that this would incapacitate him for a few minutes I get up to use the bathroom and he started coming after me again. With in seconds I pulled out the paper towel and whipped it at him and it hit him in the eye that I just poked…. LMAO…

Well I hope that your New Years Eve was just as eventful or at least just as funny. I’ve gotta get going for now… Have a great day! XOXO

Happy New Year!

2007-01-01T18:45:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year Comment Graphics

Watcha doin?

2006-12-30T08:46:00.000-05:00

Good Morning~ I hope that everyone is having a great start to their weekend...

So, what are you doing for New Year’s Eve???

We’re going to get very tipsy on champagne and light off fireworks for New Years Eve… That’s right, I just said that their will be drunks with explosives.. LOL We figure that we can torture the shit out of our neighbors… We have a couple of fire extinguishers on hand just incase of any accidents.

I hope you have a good one and stay safe.... XOXO

You Don't have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One:

We were dressed and ready to go out to the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat that we had put in the yard scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs up the stairs with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty all night. So she explains to the driver that I will be out soon.

"He's just gone upstairs to say goodbye to his mother."

A few minutes later I get into the cab. "Sorry I took so long", I said as we drove away. "That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard.

The cab driver hit a parked car........

Mattress

2006-12-29T09:31:00.000-05:00

Hello ~ Hello ~

I have been having the most outrageous dreams lately, everything from extremely sexual dreams to violent and everything in between. Sad, falling, getting caught, floating, hurt, hurting someone else, every single night.. It’s just crazy. Last night I had a nightmare that I was caught inside someone else’s house going through their things. Not stealing, just looking…

Very off the wall…

There is no rhyme of reason to any of it but we think that it’s due to the mattress. We are also waking up with extreme back pain. So now we are looking at getting a new mattress. As much as we fuck on that thing, I think we just destroyed it…. The bed usually ends up in the middle of the room and it looks as if we’ve dented it. LOL…. I’m going to have to unhook all of the bondage straps before it gets delivered….

Well, gotta go for now, chat with you later... Kisses

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Making room...

2006-12-28T10:46:00.000-05:00

Hello All~

Jackass 2 is hilarious!!! I’m so glad that we got the DVD. It’s packed with all sorts of extras including out takes (bloopers). How is that a movie made completely of out takes has a section for out takes? Some really good stuff that shouldn’t have been left out of the movie….. I hope to god they make number 3 soon…

Sorry to make this so short but I’ve got to go… We’ve got a lot cleaning to do. We have to make room for all of the stuff we got for Christmas. And we still have to go see my folks to spend Christmas with them……

Have a great day! XOXO

Drugs

2006-12-27T09:17:00.000-05:00

DAMNITOL - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN - Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

ST. MOMMA'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and theurge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person.

"BUYAGR - A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT - When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the sameirritation level as nagging him.

The Day After

2006-12-26T10:01:00.000-05:00

Good Morning ~

I hope that everyone got what they wanted for Christmas! I know that Brett & I got a lot more then we expected. HAPPY- HAPPY- JOY- JOY! Unfortunately Brett and I have to go out amongst the nuts and crazy’s today so we can pick up Jackass 2. WOOOHOOOOO! For those of you that missed it in the theater, do yourself a favor and go get it! I plan on spending the rest of my day laughing my ass off!

Well I’ve got to go and hook up my new flat screen! ! Have a great day! XOXO

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Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T09:26:00.000-05:00

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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

XOXO

Tequila Cookies

2006-12-24T07:44:00.000-05:00

TEQUILA COOKIES-CUERVO COOKIES
Read the directions very carefully! This is the BEST Christmas Cookie recipe EVER!

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
**Sample the Cuervo to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again to be sure it is of the highest quality,** pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, ** try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

**Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. ** Check the Jose Cuervo.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to bean off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the **** Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS

Friends

2006-12-24T07:27:00.000-05:00

Good morning ~ A friend sent this to me and I wanted to share it with you. HAVE A GREAT DAY! XOXO

Mayonnaise Jar and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 Hours in a day is not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table And poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the Empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and Favorite passions - - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else -- the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. So... Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play With your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked". It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Catching up

2006-12-22T08:36:00.000-05:00

I’m sorry it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted. With the holidays coming up I’ve been extremely busy. Plus I’ve got a few new projects that I’ve been focusing on that have taken up most of my free time.

And now my computer is running at a snails pace! GREAT! Just what I needed this morning. Well it looks like we are going to be spending Christmas here with Brett’s family and then we’re going down to see my folks after the New Year. It doesn’t even feel like X-mas. It’s been so warm here and there is NO forecast of snow anytime in the near future…

Oh, before I forget, be sure to watch The Cowboys on Christmas day!

Well it's been an interesting year. As we approach the end of 2006, and with Christmas only days away, I want to say thank you for being so interested in reading my blog. I wish each and every one of you a very Merry Christmas. Just stay safe out there, and have a good time. I will be back sometime next week to post, and likely won't be responding to e-mails until then.

I’ve gotta go for now but I’ll leave you with a little funny… XOXO

Subject: Anatomy 101

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, thedefinition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning,or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

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Humpday

2006-12-06T10:52:00.000-05:00

Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come work today, I sick, headache, stomach ache, legs hurt, I no come work."

The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say, I feel great. I be work soon.....you got nice house."

Happy Humpday! XOXO

Movies!

2006-12-01T16:46:00.000-05:00

Hello ~ Hello ~

I’m so glad the weekend is finally here! It’s been VERY WARM these last few days so Brett took the day off yesterday and we got some things done with our cars and around the house. We also checked out Superman… I’m not a big fan of Superman but It was actually pretty good. We’ve been watching a lot of movies lately… Going back over the last few months we’ve checked out:

Bench warmers: If you’re in a goofy mood, check it out. It was very funny!
Final Destination 3, eh, nothing great.
Scary Movie 4 was absolute shit.. Don’t even bother with it…
I could have done without V for Vendetta as well.
Inside Man was pretty good.
An Inconvenient Truth was very good and a little disturbing…
See No Evil: Pretty good if your into horror.
Over the Hedge: Funny and very well done.
Ice Age 2: I thought that the first one was better.
Little Man: Some funnies in it but for the most part, ehhh..
The Da Vinci Code: Good but you have to pay attention.
Click: I wasn’t expecting a comedy/drama
The Break up: Once again, most of the good stuff was in the trailer
Mission Impossible 3: Oddly enough better than the first 2.
An American Haunting: Ehhh
Stay Alive: Don’t bother
Nacho Libre: I like Jack Black but JESUS, that was fucking stupid.
The Omen: Ehh, remake…
Accepted….. HE HEEEEE, Funny!
You, Me & Dupree… I was expecting it to be better.

I’m sure I’m missing some but this list doesn’t include movies that we saw in the theater… I need to get away from the TV…. LOL

Well I’m outta here… I hope that you all have a great weekend! XOXO

Model

2006-11-30T09:02:00.000-05:00

ANYONE can be a Model!

Model

Humpday...

2006-11-29T05:55:00.000-05:00

~Good Morning~

I just wanted to pop in and wish you a Happy Humpday!

The Boss had to fire somebody!!! He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the water cooler to take an aspirin.

The Boss approached her and said:

"Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit this morning!"

Cyber Monday!

2006-11-27T07:09:00.000-05:00

Happy Cyber Monday!

This is one of the busiest days of the year for online shopping! Check out MY STORE & T-SHIRT HELL for some great Christmas gifts … I’ll be adding a few more items to MY STORE over the next couple of days so be sure to check back.

I hope that you all had a fantastic holiday weekend. Ours was AWESOME!!!! We had fantastic food and Dallas WON Thanksgiving Day! There were quite a few impressive plays in that game. We took it easy and didn’t do too much after that. Sex, food and sleep!

It is extremely foggy out this morning. I can barely see 5 feet in front of me. Apparently it is going to be in the 70’s for the next few days. What the fuck is with the weather??? Which reminds me, I really want to see “An Inconvenient Truth” We saw previews for it on a DVD and it looks very interesting.

Well, I've got to get out of here for now. I have so many things to take care of... Have a great day! XOXO

Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T08:25:00.000-05:00

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!

Swollen Tip...

2006-11-22T06:11:00.000-05:00

Click on the link to see what everyone is talking about!

Swollen Tip

Angry Dragon

2006-11-21T10:30:00.000-05:00

Angry Dragon ~

While a girl is sucking you off, right as you are about to cum, you grab hold of her head and pull her mouth as far onto your cock as possible. She proceeds to gag from the cock unexpectedly being rammed down her throat, but since your cock is blocking her air passage, her cough (and your cum) exit through her nose. The cum dripping out of both of the girl’s nostrils, resembles a dragon’s snout - and after pulling a stunt like this, you can be sure she's going to be an angry one.

and if you scroll down a wee, you will see a demonstration... LOL

Enjoy!

Do not call!

2006-11-20T14:07:00.000-05:00

JUST A REMINDER....tomorrow, all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls.

YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS.... To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL List. It will only take a minute of your time. It blocks your number for five (5) years.

HELP OTHERS BY PASSING THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR GO TO:
www.donotcall.gov/

Thanks Chris!

fuck the throat!

2006-11-20T11:45:00.000-05:00

I love this picture!

weekend, the underground!

2006-11-20T07:00:00.000-05:00

Brett and I overslept this morning and he was almost late for work. I hate feeling rushed first thing in the morning. Well I stumbled down the stairs and instead of going to the news right away I flipped through some channels and came by “Witches of Breastwick, Busty Cops 2 and Amy’s Orgasm….” Holy shitty flicks! What a way to wake up.

Good morning everyone, I hope that you all had a great weekend…

Not too much happen over here. We hung around the house and zoned out in front of the T.V. basically it was your typical lazy weekend. We are getting ready for Turkey Day! We’re going to spend it with Brett’s family and catch the game on the HUGE screen. Speaking of Football, Dallas knocked the Pony’s out of their winning streak! WOOOOOO WHOOOOO!!!! Great game!!!!!

I've got to get out of here for now but if you get Showtime check out “The Underground” I about fell out when the pussy’s were talking! It’s like Mad TV with Damon Waynes. Have a great day!

XOXO

Family Watch dog

2006-11-16T07:05:00.000-05:00

I was notified about an interesting site yesterday. Take a look...

Family Watch Dog

Talking about CREEPY!!!

Boring weekend

2006-11-13T08:47:00.000-05:00

I think that one of the dogs just fell off the bed. LOL…. I’m sitting here surfing and I hear a big thud… I walked into the dining room and see Oliver dazed and confused. He likes to sleep on top of his crate.

Good Morning Everyone!!!! I hope that you all had a fantastic weekend.. We got great amounts of rain and wind yesterday. It apparently knocked the power out all over town and some are still without power this morning. Thank god we didn’t loose power, I think that Brett would have had a shit fit! We were watching the game last night on FOX and we must have had a bad connection or satellite disturbance because it was choppy as hell. Either way Dallas Won!!!

It’s going to be 64 degrees today and 72 tomorrow. At this rate winter will never arrive. I can’t believe that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. I am ready to cook the house down! I hope that it cools off before hand because I don’t think I could handle a 75 degree day for Thanksgiving… Well I’ve got a lot of things to get done today before Brett gets home. Have a great day!

MySpace Glitter Graphics

2006-11-10T13:22:00.000-05:00

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Good morning ~

I watched Derailed last night before I went to bed… It was not what I expected but pretty decent.

For some reason I was feeling quite goofy this morning and I took it out on Brett pinching his nipples, flicking cold water at him and spanking his ass while his hands are full. (Need I remind you that this is taking place at 5:30 am) He drops everything at the front door, runs after me and corners me on the couch. He starts licking the side of my neck, squeezing my tits and goosing me … He got me so good that my hair is wet…. EWWWWWW! Fucker! When he gets back from work I’ve got little practical jokes set up all over the house to get him back! He he he heeeee…

Well, I hope that you have a fantastic weekend.. XOXO

Humpday

2006-11-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

Happy HUMPDAY Peoples!

I hope that everyone went out to vote yesterday!

We ate a ton of pizza, got the sleepys and passed out for about an hour. Then we watched a couple of movies last night. One of them was “An American Haunting” Now I can say that if the covers were pulled off of me when I was asleep by a spirit, I would have probably shat myself and died right there. SPOOKEY!

I didn’t get much sleep last night but oddly enough I feel pretty good today. So I have a ton of chores to get done starting with my mile high pile of laundry. Have a good one... XOXO

DEAR DIARY ... DAY ONE

I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited.

DEAR DIARY ... DAY TWO

We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.

DEAR DIARY ... DAY THREE

I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.

DEAR DIARY ... DAY FOUR

Went to the ship's casino ... Did OK . Won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal, complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband.

DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE

Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for the night, and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled

DEAR DIARY ... DAY SIX

I saved 1600 lives today. Twice.

Borat

2006-11-07T13:58:00.000-05:00

I keep hearing GREAT reviews on BORAT. I think we’re going to go see it in a couple of weeks after the crowds die down. If you have seen the movie, shoot me an email and let me know.

XOXO

Broke VCR

2006-11-07T09:02:00.000-05:00

Good Morning ~

After getting my cable back yesterday I had a bunch of things to catch up on.. I felt like pulling my hair out. Brett and I are going to take it easy later today when he gets home from work. Maybe order a huge pizza and zone out in front of the T.V.

Oh, bad luck is lurking at my front door. I broke ANOTHER Vibrator! I must be too rough with these things... AND my VCR Broke and I can’t get my porn tape out.. LOL… Yes I still have a VCR mainly because I still have some good porn on VHS and I haven’t transferred them to DVD yet. I’m about to take a screw driver to it to get that tape back!

Damn, some people are getting raunchier & raunchier…. Click

Have a GREAT Tuesday! XOXO

Cable out!

2006-11-06T12:45:00.000-05:00

How was everyone’s weekend? Ours was pretty uneventful till last night. We got ready for the game and grilled out… The food was fantastic. We had some of the best cheeseburgers ever and the game was rockin’ till “BLIP, GONE!” Our cable went out with 6 minutes left on the clock during yesterday’s game... Internet as well.

I have had it with Comcast!!!!!

You should have seen our faces when the screen went blank. It kinda went like this…

“WHAT THE FUCK??”

We both scrambled for the remotes. FUCK! All of the channels were blank. We call Comcast to ask what the hell is going on. She said they would have to send someone out “TOMORROW”

“Tomorrow? ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZy LADY?” Please stop joking around… Tell me your just fucking with us.

In her best operator voice “Sorry. That’s all I can do.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

I wanted to smack the ever loving shit out of this bitch…. So now I have to wait on this fucker to show up and fix our cable. Eh, so we got the radio out and listened to the game only to find out that the foreskins won…. Talking about your bad luck…

Well we ended up getting some movies and watched MI3… Now surprisingly enough, that turned out to be a great movie. We were quite impressed… After the movie we decided to go to bed and HE decided to fuck the brakes off me! OH my, that was impressive. He didn’t seem to mind that the Cowboys lost after that and I SLEPT like a baby…

Mouse Balls.

2006-11-03T12:47:00.000-05:00

Good Afternoon,

Geeze, it just seems like I'm waking up later and later. The cool air really helps me sleep.

I’m trying to get out of cooking tonight because of my upcoming weekend... Brett and I are going over to my brother’s house to have dinner Saturday and Sunday we have some friends coming over to watch the game. I’ll be cooking all weekend for everyone seeing how none of these people know what a stove is… LOL! Ugh, the things I do for love.

Well, I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face:

This was a real memo sent out by IBM to its employees. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine.

The engineers rolled on the floor!

Especially note the last couple of sentences.

'If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).

Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.

Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items.

Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer!

Just because

2006-11-02T13:01:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted jokes in a little while so here we go...

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........

Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

Thirsty Thursday

2006-11-02T12:47:00.000-05:00

GOOD MORNING!!! Or should I say Good Afternoon?

It was absolutely gorgeous weather last night so after a long day of work and chores Chris, Brett and I sat out on the porch telling stories about are youth and crazy shit that happen to us. Chris had some really great stories and had Brett and I laughed so hard we were practically crying! I am surprised that none of us pissed ourselves. Unfortunately I’m just a little hung over this morning because I didn't know when to stop.. Nothing that a little hair of the poodle won’t cure.. LOL!

Well I’m outta here for now… Have a great Thursday! XOXO

T Shirt Hell...

2006-11-01T09:46:00.000-05:00

Check out the new T-Shirts!

Peppie

2006-10-31T23:47:00.000-05:00

"Personal message to a friend" PEPPIE ~ For fucks sake doll baby, cheer up! I'll always be here for you.... XOXO

HALLOWEEN

2006-10-31T06:45:00.000-05:00

Brett and I had a FANTASTIC night! We started to kiss and I couldn’t stop myself from going down on him. I hung my head off the side of the bed so he could fuck my mouth and get deep down my throat then I pulled him onto the bed and sat on his face. Brett ate me out till I came all over his face. Then he fucked me in every position possible till I couldn’t move and came DEEP inside me…. I don’t think that I’ve ever been fucked like that in my life. OH MY GOD, I’ve got perma-grin and puswa leakage…

Ummmm, I can’t stop thinking about it…

Halloween is finally here and I think we have plans to check out a haunted house. I believe it’s the same one that scared the hell out of me last year and had me screaming like a little bitch. Then we’re coming back here and fuck all night long… I know that a lot of women out there use Halloween to release their inner ho! I’m like this all year round… LOL …. Ummm, after last night I think I might have to go to his work and rape him over his lunch hour.

OK, enough of that or I’m going to leak all over myself again…. I hope that you all have a safe time tonight.

Happy Halloween Comments for Myspace

Anniversary weekend...

2006-10-30T06:44:00.000-05:00

Good Morning…

I hope that you all had a fantastic weekend… Our anniversary didn’t go as planned. I ended up getting sick over the weekend so we spent a lot of time cuddling up on the couch and just being very sweet to each other but we still had a really good time.. Brett got me a shit load of my favorite flowers and we had a fantastic dinner. I’m going to try to set up Brett’s present for next weekend. If all goes well, the bedroom will be covered in women and spooge!

We had great weather over the weekend but it was a little breezy which caused a little problem. We lost electricity yesterday for 3 fucking hours and not all at the same time. The first time was for about one minute.. Just long enough to piss me off because now I had to go around and fix all of the blinking clocks. The second time I just got finished setting up a pot roast in my slow cooker and “BOOM” no power for an hour …. Then it comes back on for about 1 hour then “BOOM” out again! The last time lasted for about 2 hours.

To top off our weekend, Dallas WON last night!!! YEAH BABY…. Brett went off to work this morning with a huge smile on his face! Well, not just because Dallas won (smirk)

I’ve posted NEW PICS on “MY SPACE” page. Check them out and tell me what you think….

I’m outta here for now.. Have a great Monday!

XOXO

MySpace Comments

Happy Anniversary! 2 years...

2006-10-27T07:29:00.000-04:00

WOOOO WHOOOOOOO!

It’s our anniversary! I’m ready to rub it, thump it and plump it! I’ve got to get ready to spend some time with my love. It's suppose to rain ALL DAY which is fantastic weather for staying in bed! I plan to use a walker by the end of the night. I'll be back sometime this weekend to let you know how it went. Gotta go!

MySpace Comments Graphics

Meeting new friends

2006-10-26T07:56:00.000-04:00

Good Morning ~

Ooooh, I just made some strong brew. Wow, I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of my head.

BRRRRRR… It’s quite nippy outside this morning… I don’t even want to go outside for a smoke.

I had so much to do yesterday (got lazy) and I barely got anything done. I hate having days like that. BUT…Brett and I met with a friend last night… OH MY GOD….. Mr. Joshua, we had a great time meeting you but man we were cussing you this morning. LOL… No sleep, massive hangovers and I just got sick. I think I’m still drunk. There’s a great way to start the day. Actually I know that I’m drunk. I just bent over to pick something up and the room refuses to stop spinning. I’ve also got this shooting pain in my right knee. What in the hell did I do last night? AND Josh, why did you leave a handprint on the bathroom mirror???

I’ve got to go for now… Have a fantastic Thirsty Thursday… Ciao

Mini Vacation 3

2006-10-24T06:51:00.000-04:00

LOL, Oh for the love of Pete…. Paris Hiltons eye color is fake? Who the fuck cares? I wipe my ass with Angel Soft… How’s that for a headline? I’m glad the media is all over that one..

Goooood morning!

Sorry that it’s been several days since I’ve posted but we had such a great time during our mini vacation that I had no desire to get on my computer. We had some great food, conversation, sex and entertainment. Can’t ask for anything more.

Our 2 year anniversary is coming up on the 27th! It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long but at the same time I feel like I’ve known him forever. I’ve got some great plans for that day.

Brett & I are also getting ready for Halloween! I’m on the hunt for a great pumpkin to test out my carving skillz! I think there is a few different places near my house that sell them but I want to go to a Pumpkin Patch with hayrides, apple cider, the works! It kinda kills the spirit if you go pick one up at the local grocery store!

Well I’m too tired to keep this going… I’ve got a million things to do today so I’ll catch you all later. Have a fabulous Tuesday!!!

Oh, I almost forgot, Dallas lost last night to the New York Gimps… Don’t be offended if you’re a GIMP FAN, I have nick names for all of the teams.. LOL

XOXO

Mini Vacation 2

2006-10-16T07:15:00.000-04:00

GOOD MORNING ~

So I’m trying out a new coffee that might send me to the emergency room… I’m blending too many flavors and hoping that the effect will cause a perma~grin… DOUBTFUL but definitely worth the effort...

Well we had another great (mini) vacation…. I spent a lot of time working on graphics for my other sites, hanging with my love and playing a lot of games. We had a little get together and grilled out Saturday afternoon which turned out fantastic!!! I’ve been on a massive cooking kick lately! Coconut shrimp with a creamy tequila lime sauce. Pan seared sea scallops drizzled with habanera lime butter. Almond encrusted Mahi-Mahi with a ginger soy drizzle. Spinach crepes with a crushed artichoke cream sauce. And of course my signature dish as of late, Filet mignon with ohpwa sauce ß (spelling)

Sounds phenomenal, doesn’t it? I’m all about using Brett as my guinea pig but he doesn’t seem to mind at all.. I never realized how relaxing it is to do this. Ah, the joys of cooking.

I actually opted not to watch the game on Sunday because I didn’t feel up to going to the bar. Dallas WON so Brett is a very happy man…

Well I’m outta here for now.. I hope that you all have a great Monday!

XOXO

Still Drunk

2006-10-10T07:31:00.000-04:00

I think I’m still drunk….

I really didn’t mean to drink so much last night but I got carried away while I was watching Katt Williams! Now that mother fucker is FUNNY! If you get HBO on demand, try (for the love of god) to catch his stand up act. I’m not sure if I should get some coffee or fix a drink to kill my jolted hangover. Decisions, decisions…

I scared the crap out of Brett this morning. LOL… I’m standing in the bathroom door waiting for him to finish brushing his teeth and he pulls his head up, turns around and catches me staring at him and jumps back about 2 feet. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. LOL.. It’s funny to watch such a big guy jump like that….. Hopefully I can get that same response when I try to scare the neighborhood children.

I’ve got to get ready so I'm outta here..… Have a great day! XOXO

LONG WEEKEND

2006-10-09T06:36:00.000-04:00

Good Morning~

I hope that you all had a fantastic weekend! Sorry that I haven’t posted in a few days but I’ve been distracted…

I was wrong about the thunderstorms! We had a doozy of a thunderstorm Thursday night into Friday night…. Over 18 hours of lightening and thunder. Lovin’ it!

I must admit that I thought it would be fun having Brett around the house for 5 days in a row. I couldn’t wait for him to go back to work this morning. LOL.. It’s only for 2 days (Monday and Tuesday) and to think that I have 2 more weeks of this… (sigh) Strange how you get use to a certain routine and when it gets broken up you find yourself looking for an escape... However, we did have a lot of fun. We went to the movies Thurday to see JACKASS 2…. We laughed from beginning to end NON –STOP!!! I still can’t get over the fact that this movie got 2 thumbs up. I don’t want to spoil anything but you will be very surprised at the ending. Do yourself a favor and stick around for the credits as well….

OK down to business…. What a fuckin’ "nail biter" of a game…. Dallas unfortunately lost to the pigeons yesterday… Brett is convinced that Bledsoe has to go! What a shit ending to that game last night… Watching Brett throw the bad call brick over and over again due to shitty plays was a little disturbing… My poor puppies scattered every time he threw that thing and Charlie (the mama) pissed on my leg when Brett was shouting at the TV.. (hmmmm) Fun for me…

Any who.. I’ve got to get my day started… Have a great Monday! XOXO

Sex for 400

2006-10-04T09:40:00.000-04:00

Alex I will take Sex, Sex and more SEX for 400 please…

The ultimate Nipple flick! This can be a painful experience if you have eraser heads like mine! Don’t try this without supervision.

The butt blaster. Some of you know this as a piece of gym equipment which I am VERY familiar with however I’m speaking of the tragic effect that leaves your ass looking like a busted up tulip after anal sex.

Cream Pies; Up side, I love having a warm load shot inside of me. Downside; Having puswa leakage for the rest of the day which causes panty destruction.

Wreck the Disco Tech – Your 600 thread count fitted sheet has been pulled up off the bed on all four sides and looks like a used napkin..

Sticking situation– You know when you use a towel to clean up and you are so tired that you pass out without taking a shower after the deed. You wake up the next morning and parts of your body are stuck to the sheets.

The Crusty cum towel – The towel you used to clean up and drop to the side of the bed now has permanent shape.

Hot load in the eyes causes the lovely look of pink eye.

Hot load in the nose causes you to be picking at it for at least the next 12 hours.

HAIR! God, don’t even get me started… It’s bad enough that it causes major breakage but fuck me all to hell if you add water… INSTANT ADHEISIVE! APPLY SHAMPOO FIRST!!!

And The slap heard around the world: The nasty little bruise that follows after having you ass smacked…

I think that says it all…

Oh wait, one question…. How do you get a cum stain off a wall that has flat paint????

Well that’s it for me today… I’ve got some cleaning to do.

XOXO

Waxing Joke

2006-10-02T06:31:00.000-04:00

Good Morning ~

I hope that all of you had a fantastic weekend. DALLAS WON! So of course it was a very great weekend for us! That game was a complete slaughter. TheTitans were just bitter AND what the fuck was with that assault? That asshole needs to be taught some manors.

I figured this is a great way to start off your Monday! I received an email from my mother that just had me in tears. If you don't get a good laugh from this, then something is very wrong with you...

Brace yourselves!!

One Woman's Tale of Woe

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner play with the kids.

I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing eachother stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in. So I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Coldwax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move North. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip!) I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!! I'm blind!! Blinded from pain!!.... OH MY GOD!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out... must stay conscious... Do I hear crashing drums? Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!

There's no hair on it. Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX?? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax!

CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.

Vagina? sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe It off, right? WRONG! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom ofthe tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt coldwax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement- epoxied myself to the porcelain! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter. So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub! There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH Right! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot waterand then dry-shaving the sticky wax off! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MYGOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS! It works!!" I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT! So I recklessly shave it off. Hell, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. Could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Mr. Sandman

2006-09-29T07:56:00.000-04:00

Good Morning~

I’m dragging ass in a bad way this morning…For the last 2 nights I have tossed and turned all night long and I believe that I kept Brett up as well. So this morning we both look like we have been slapped by Mr. Sandman.. LOL…

We had a GREAT time last night… Cooked out, had a few drinks and talked for hours. A decent size thunderstorm came through and knocked out the power but not for long. I was lovin’ it! Unfortunately it’s probably the last good thunderstorm of the year.

I’m not too sure what we have planned for this weekend other than watching the game and going out to eat. I’m going to take off for now but I will be posting this weekend.

XOXO

MySpace Comments Graphics

Sex, Sex, and more Sex!

2006-09-26T23:29:00.000-04:00

Sex, Sex and MORE SEX…..

The Act of Slurping! Slurpees, soup or cock?

Two Hoes don’t make it right.

Or Nuts and Crazy’s?

I just don’t know where to start. These are pre written topics that I have ready to post. I’m just not sure which one of them to do first. LOL…

Alex, I’ll take Sex, Sex and MORE SEX for 200 please.

Sex, Sex and MORE SEX…..

We start with “The Broken bone” – When the man pulls out too far then misses on the way back in. OUCH! Slow down and you might save yourself from a broken dick!

Stop and Hold- Too close to coming? BITCH..

Sex on Wheels- The bed ends up in the middle of the room and everything on the night stands are gone.

Dehydration from breathing too heavy and you have to go get something to re hydrate yourself due to the fact that EVERYTHING including your water fell off of your nightstand.

The Uterus punching bag- Too far, too deep and the throbbing continues hours after the initial penetration..

Freshly fucked hair knot from friction. Girls, you and I know this one all too well.

The Fucked up cramp in your leg from holding a strange position. I’ve gotten these in my ass, back and arms as well.

The WASH UP after sex and your wearing most of the load.. Add water to cum and it becomes an instant adhesive.

Sensitivity when the deed is done… Touch it and DIE!

And last but not least, THE Twitch- Laying there after sex, trying to gain composure and eye site.

I purposely left out a few for your next installment of SEX, SEX and MORE SEX!!!

I’ve gotta get out of here because all work and no play makes Roxy a dull girl…

Enjoy your day! XOXO

Elliot's Thousands

2006-09-26T14:40:00.000-04:00

Check out Elliot’s New Contest! This sounds very, very interesting!!!!

ELLIOT'S THOUSANDS

a little bit like Brewster's Millions??

Farce of the Penguins!

2006-09-26T07:28:00.000-04:00

Hello~ Hello~

Glad to hear that all of you survived your Monday. Some of you did better than others but all in all you made it! I’m feeling a wee rough this morning even after 2 cups of coffee. (sigh) I’ve got sooo many things to do this week I’m really not sure where to start. I am cleaning out the attic and getting rid of all sorts of things to make room for new stuff… I came across some really cool movie posters that I forgot I had. I purchased them for a photo shoot and never used them.. Go figure..

Speaking of movies…

I was listening to Bob Sagget on Elliot in the Morning a little while back and they were talking about this movie he’s wrapping up called “Farce of the Penguins” by Think Films. A huge cast of people donated their time to this for little and or no pay. It’s all about Penguins talking and their mouths aren’t moving, screwing and shitting. Sagget describes penguins having sex as a bowling pin falling on top of another one! It might last 20 seconds. LOL

Samuel L. Jackson narrates it. Lewis Black, Mo'Nique and Tracey Morgan are in it however, the alphabetical list of cameos includes Christina Applegate, Jason Biggs, Mario Cantone, Dane Cook, Norm Crosby, Dave Coulier, Drea De Matteo, Adam Duritz, Harvey Fierstein, Gilbert Gottfried, Jonathan Katz, Jaime Kennedy, David Koechner, Lori Loughlin, Norm MacDonald, Carlos Mencia, Jeffrey Ross, Jonathan Silverman, John Stamos, Abe Vigoda, and Damon Wayans.

sounds like it’s going to be pretty good…

Well I’m out of here for a little while…. Have a rockin' Day!!!

XOXO

Vacation and Jackass!

2006-09-25T07:34:00.000-04:00

“I might like you better if we slept together” I CAN’T GET THAT SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! God, I hate when this happens!!!

Good Morning!

Sorry my post was so short Thursday but I was so hungry and I couldn’t shake the sleepies… So I ate and passed out till noon…

I hope that everyone had a great weekend. I swear that ours just flew by… then again the weekend never seems long enough. Autumn officially began Saturday and the following day we had 90 degree weather. Figures! However we did have an incredible thunderstorm last night that lulled me to sleep… Now it looks as if we won’t see 90’s till next spring! WOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOO!

Well it looks like the month of October is going to be one big vacation for Brett. He’s got nine days of paid vacation time and he’s taking off Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays for the first 3 weeks in October. So technically he will have 15 days off if you count the weekends! We have shit load of things planned for this time off. PLUS our 2 year anniversary is the 27th which falls on a Friday and I think he’s got something planned…

I heard that Jackass 2 did very well over the weekend ranking them # 1. Now I really can’t wait to see this movie. I think we’re going to check it out sometime this week during the day when it’s not so crowded. I’ll have to let you know how it is..

I’m out of here… Have a great day! XOXO

Hungry and Tired

2006-09-21T07:08:00.000-04:00

Ummmm, I woke up this morning to being fondled and kissed ever so gently on the lips. Now that’s a great way to wake up! I did not want to get out of bed this morning. It felt so good using Brett as a pillow. I’m feeling very lazy and extremely hungry. Odd! I’m never hungry first thing in the morning…

Anyway, I’m going to grab something to eat and probably go back to bed for a little while. If I don’t come back later, have a great day!

MySpace Comments Graphics

Twins?

2006-09-19T07:09:00.000-04:00

Oh fuck me all to hell! I’m out of creamer!

Figures...

Good morning….

Does anyone know who won the game last night? I fell asleep...

Crap, hold on let me check.......

HAHAHAHAAAAAAA, Hell yeah! The Steelers lost!!!!! Well that makes up for no creamer this morning. LOL

Apparently I have a twin roaming around here in Richmond… I have gotten several emails asking me if I was near Funny Bones last week. Sorry, No, that was not me but one sure way to find out is to come over and ask me.. I promise I won’t bite!

I also have a twin in Florida. My father was down in Miami on a business trip and was having lunch at an outdoor café with some clients and he swore that he saw me waiting on tables. He actually had to walk up to the girl and ask, “Dawn, is that you?” My real name is Dawn by the way… Now if I can just find the girls to do a photo shoot I’d be in business & poor Brett would explode!!! LOL

Well I’m going to get some breakfast and try to get some things done today…. Have a Rockin’ Tuesday!!!

XOXO

Dallas Won & I need a walker!

2006-09-18T06:40:00.000-04:00

Oh CRAP! I’m out of coffee filters.. Well now, that’s just a shitty way to start off a Monday. I am debating on whether or not to use a paper towel. Fuck it! If I don’t get a cup this morning I’ll be a useless bitch for the rest of the day.

WHAT A WEEKEND!!!!!!

We did exactly what we planned to do… Absolutely NOTHING!

We blew off all day Saturday to play games, watch TV, sleep and fuck around. Basically we slept as much as we could over the weekend. It was nice to just lay there and do nothing. We ended up catching Jackass Saturday night and I was shocked that it was uncensored! Granted it played at 1 in the morning but it’s about time… Even though I have seen it many times, I just couldn’t stop laughing. Have you ever had one of those laughing fits where your practically in tears and can’t breath? That was me Saturday night. I laughed so much that my cheeks still hurt.

And as if I need to mention it but…

DALLAS WON!!!!! And The PATRIOTS WON!!!

I am a Patriots & Bears fan myself but Dallas has grown on me. There really wasn’t much use for the “Bad Call Brick” last night, thank god… Poor puppies freak every time Brett picks it up. LOL

Last but not least, it was FUCK FEST 2006 at our house! Brett decided to put a smack down on me and NOW I’m having problems walking.. More accurately I’m walking with a limp and a little bit hunched over. He did me like it was going to be the last time he ever had sex. I think I need a Tylenol.

Well I need to get going… I hear some movement outside and it’s creeping me out. I'm going to check on that ….

Have a great day and try not to work too hard!

XOXO

Video snoring

2006-09-15T11:44:00.000-04:00

Good Morning!

I actually got to sleep in till 9! God it feels fantastic outside!!! I have the windows open and ceiling fans on to let a nice breeze in… Fall is right around the corner! YIPPY!!!!!!

I’ve told you all that I bought Brett one of those SLVR’s for his birthday. It’s capable of doing video as well as photos. Brett decided to do a video of me Tuesday night. That little shit tapes me passed out in the bed snoring! Then if that wasn’t bad enough he has been showing it to people AND replaying it for me over and over again…. My friend Josh asked Brett to send it to him so he could post it on myspace.com… Ugh! FUCKERS! You know that is NOT going to happen...

Well the weekend is finally here. The only thing that we’re planning for is the game on Sunday and that’s about it. Dallas VS The Redskins… Hmmm, I wonder who’s going to win.. LOL

Have a great weekend everyone!

XOXO

2006-09-13T07:20:00.000-04:00

TOXIC SEX TOYS

Bad Call Brick!

2006-09-12T06:07:00.000-04:00

AND I’M UP!!!! Oh holy hangover! My head is pounding and I feel like absolute crap. It was just a piss poor decision to drink anything yesterday. Oh well, live and learn…

After I posted yesterday I started thinking about the “Bad Call Brick” and how great it would be to hum this object at people for fucking up?

Girlfriend nagging you too much? ……. WHACK!!!!!!!
Restaurant fuck up your order?...... WHACK!!!!!!!!!
Husband gawking at some chick?.......... WHACK!!!!!!! Lights out bitch!

There are 101 uses for this thing.

LOL, next thing you know, I’ll be posting a blog titled, I got hit with a Bad Call Brick!

Have a great day!

Fantastic weekend!

2006-09-11T06:20:00.000-04:00

GOOD MORNING!!!

How in the hell is everyone? We had a fantastic weekend!!!

We cooked out Friday night… We did a surf & turf with filets and crab legs. Chris picked up 7 lbs of king crab legs. They were almost as long as our arms. I was able to complete ¾ of one before I felt like I was going to pop! Actually we all looked like we were going to pop when we were done. Which reminds me; one word of advice? Don’t ever fuck on a full stomach! UGH… Talking about uncomfortable… Bent over hanging off the side of the bed, the food only has one way to go! I was like, “if you don’t back my fat ass up onto the bed I will ruin sex for you for the rest of your life.” I was promptly picked up and leveled out. LOL…

I’ve got bruises everywhere…My arms, head, legs, back & butt… UGH! I think we need to stop being so rough in bed. I have a huge bruise on the inside of my arm.. It’s purple!

Dallas unfortunately lost last night .. Who the fuck did they loose to again? LOL…. Any who, It was a pretty good game and we had a lot of fun till someone had had to pull out the “The Bad Call Brick” and scare the crap out of me. “The Bad Call Brick” is a piece of foam in the shape of a brick and painted to really look like one. Apparently you throw it at the TV if you don’t like the calls being made. I catch this object out of the corner of my eye being thrown at the screen not realizing it was fake. I jumped! The puppies took off and started barking… I thought for a brief second that Brett had lost his mind… It gave him a good laugh..

Well it’s time for me to go… I hope that you all have a great day!!!

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Have a great weekend!

2006-09-08T09:36:00.000-04:00

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I actually slept like a baby last night! Brett couldn’t get me out of bed this morning to save his life. Poor thing actually had to send him self off to work this morning…

We are going to get some kick ass filets for the grill tonight… Maybe do a little surf and turf on the porch by candle light … THEN, I think we’re going to do a little gaming, fuck, snuggle, fuck, play with the pups, workout, fuck, watch a movie and fuck some more… Sounds like a great time to me!!!

Have a great weekend everyone! XOXO

Labor day/ Cell phone

2006-09-05T08:13:00.000-04:00

Hello ~ Hello ~

I hope that everyone had a great Labor Day!!!. Brett & I spent a lot of the day snuggling and goofing around with each other. We went to bed early last night and ended up catching a little bit of the William Shatner Roast…. I wasn’t able to keep my eyes open to watch all of it but what I did see was fucking hilarious. Betty White is a dirty bird and Farrah is a complete idiot… Any who… Speaking if idiots, Jack Ass 2 is coming out soon! Now I can’t wait to see that. It looks hilarious!

I’m on the hunt for a new cell phone. I’ve gone through 3 phones in the last 2 years and I want a new one. That (chocolate) phone is the bomb but I think I’m going to hold out till I see something a little hotter! I got Brett a SLVR a little while back and I’m glad that I waited cause I think I would have hummed that fucker onto the highway. Something about that phone just works my nerves. I’m going to donate my other cell phones to a women’s shelter.

K, well I’m out of here…. I’ve gotta get some things done. Have a GREAT day!!!! XOXO

Labor Day Weekend

2006-09-04T06:46:00.000-04:00

Good Morning!

I hope that you all are having a fabulous holiday…. We had a great cookout over the weekend. Lot’s of bratwurst and beer! Well I don’t drink beer so I stuck with my mixed drinks. We didn’t get a chance to put up our volleyball net but we found other things to do to keep ourselves occupied. We finally got our ceiling fan put up on the porch. A little late now that summers over but better late than never.

Brett fucked the shit out of me last night. Unfortunately all of our rough play resulted in a bruised body. He knocked me off the side of the bed so I had to brace my upper body on the floor while he was having his way doggy style on the bed. I was practically doing a handstand when I came then almost lost arm control and landed on my head. I still have the shakes this morning…

I have to go and do a little shopping this morning for a new jacket. I hope that you all enjoy the rest of your holiday and be safe.

XOXO

Cookout!

2006-09-02T08:13:00.000-04:00

That storm was LAME!!!! A little wind, a little rain, a lot boring!!!!

I had to get up early to cancel an appointment that I had this morning. I’m just not feeling up for being social today. I think I’m going to relax for most of the day due to our busy schedule tomorrow. We have planned a little cookout for this weekend. I am addicted to grilling out! I’m hoping that the ground is not too saturated so we can put up our volleyball net. With Brett being 6’5 I hope that he is on my team. LOL…

Well, I’m going to go wake Brett up and try to convince him that a stack of warm pancakes will hit the spot this morning. LOL… Have a great day!!!!!

XOXO

Ernesto TGIF

2006-09-01T07:14:00.000-04:00

I just made a cup of coffee and plopped my ass in front of the puter to see what’s going on this morning… How is everyone doing so far? Lot’s of rain but not a lot of wind yet. It’s starting to pick up a little but it shouldn’t go over 35mph.. For those of you that still have to go into work today, try and stay dry…

Have a great day and stay safe!

Rain & Storms

2006-08-31T07:05:00.000-04:00

Good morning everyone…

I crashed pretty early last night. I could not keep my eyes open past 10pm. So I headed upstairs, opened the window and let the lightning and thunder put me to sleep. It’s supposed to rain through Friday evening. Hopefully we get a few more lightening storms out of this..

Autumn begins September 23rd & I can’t wait.. It’s my favorite time of year. I don’t think that I could live in a place that lacks a change of season. In fact I pray that we get a shit load of snow this year!

Well you all know that pre season has already started and we’re keeping a schedule this year to see Dallas play. Trying to figure out which ones are on regular TV vs. satellite is a pain in the ass! So far I’ve confirmed 6 games that we can watch from home so when I’m finished I’m going to print the schedule up and post it to the fridge for Brett.

I am STARVING!!!!! I’m going to get started on some work to keep my mind off of the nasty ass breakfast sandwich that I’m craving.

Have a great day!

Mini Vacation

2006-08-28T06:20:00.000-04:00

Goooood morning….. I hope that everyone had an incredible weekend.

Instead of going out of town for a "mini vacation" we decided to stay here and get a few things done around the house. We’re going to take a trip later on in September. We ended up cleaning, sleeping in, watching a shit load of movies and being couch potatoes. I experimented with some new recipes and tried staying off of my computer for the most part. We also got "The Family Guy" seasons 1-4. I've been laughing so hard that my stomach hurts so very bad this morning.

I finally got my yoga (Pilates) ball! I pumped it up last night and Oliver went ape shit! Can you picture an 8lb. Yorkie attacking a ball that is 15 times his size? He gets a running start to attack the ball and he somehow manages to adhere himself to it and roll over it. Spunky little booger… The other 2 couldn’t be bothered. They were more interested in the pump. They would wait for me to blow the air in their faces.

Well little Miss Poe will be in heat in November. Finding a stud for her has proven most difficult. Most of the people who have contacted me own Yorkies that are too big… I need a full grown male under 4 lbs.

Labor day weekend is just around the corner. Next week in fact. Something is wrong with our grill, we have to get it fixed before the weekend celebration can begin.

I’ve gotta get out of here for a little while…. Have a great Monday… XOXO

Weekend Hello

2006-08-26T07:35:00.000-04:00

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Just dropping by to say Hi!

We’re enjoying our vacation so far. I’ll have to go into more detail Monday. I got up early this morning so that I can have a little alone time and catch up on my email before Brett wakes up. I hope that everyone’s enjoying their weekend.

Failure

2006-08-22T05:55:00.000-04:00

Google the word FAILURE.....

Weekend update.

2006-08-21T06:53:00.000-04:00

I always need to have a stiff pillow in between my legs (insert joke here) while I sleep to keep my knees from knocking together. Well I woke up on my back and the pillow was still between my legs covered by a sheet. The pillow was sticking straight up and I looked like I was sporting king kong’s hard on!

GOOD MORNING ……

How’s everyone doing? I hope that everyone had a great weekend. We took it easy for the most part. Thursday night we had our little cook out and that turned out GREAT! Filet Mignon, Mahi-Mahi, some lobster bisque and a few other things. I sent Brett to the golf course Sunday while I went shopping on Broad St. then spent most of the day on the phone. So basically I played hooky!

We have a very short work week ahead of us. We start our mini vacation Wednesday... WOOOO WHOOOO...

I have to run to the store and Brett’s got my car this morning!!! So that means that I have to take the Jeep… UGH… I can’t stand that damn thing! The seat is too high and my legs are too short which results in having to slouch and literally drive with my tits. Very uncomfortable!!!! So if you see a chick driving a jeep with a Dallas Cowboys cover on the spare tire, driving with her tits, that would be me!

I hope that you all have a great Monday! XOXO

Thirsty Thursday

2006-08-17T06:47:00.000-04:00

…. Brrrrr, it’s a little nippy outside. I have goose bumps all over!!

Good morning everyone! I hope that you all are having a fantastic week so far. Brett and I have decided to take a mini vacation from the 23rd to the 27th. I’ll have my laptop with me to update and respond to emails. Speaking of emails, THANKS for all of you contacting me regarding anniversary ideas… They were all fantastic! I’ll have to let you know what I decide to go with after the fact because Brett reads my blog…

Tonight we’re having a few friends over to have a cookout so I have to get to the store to pick a few things up.. Have a great day!

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Complaints

2006-08-15T12:19:00.000-04:00

Good afternoon,

Well, I just went out and bought a Pilates Ball with the resistance straps and started to pump it up which I must say is a workout in itself. I didn’t notice it at the time but the bottom of the box had been re taped. The instruction booklet is missing and I know there are a few pieces missing as well. I get the damn thing pumped up and by that time I notice that there is a leak… I go to answer the phone and when I get back, its deflated, fucking flat, poof be gone!

WTF!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR…

It’s time for me to put my headphones on and shut out the world before I start looking for Church Steeples…

Ehhh, one more complaint and I promise, I’m done… What’s with coffee making your teeth feel like you just ate a sweater? I take mine like an espresso, very dark and very rich. I add a little bit of French vanilla creamer to it and I have to brush my teeth in between cups. YUCK!!!!!

Well on the positive side I’ve been working on some sample designs for my store. I’ll be adding them to the store little by little. If you have a design that you would like to see on an item but don’t know how to make it, give me a shout. I will do a custom design for you. (Shameless plug)

Gotta go for now. I’ve got work to do… Have a great day everyone! XOXO

New Cafe Press Products!

2006-08-14T08:11:00.000-04:00

Check out my new products!!!!!

Puppy Fever

2006-08-14T07:02:00.000-04:00

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Hello ~ Hello~

I’m starting my day off with a really bad kink in my neck. I am truly convinced that we need a new mattress because every morning I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. I’m also trying to figure out where I’m getting all of these bruises from. I must sleep walk or something…

Brett’s got a nasty case of puppy fever!! He wants another Yorkie and I’ve told him that 3 is enough! He’s trying to convince me to keep whatever Poe-Poe has. I swear sometimes that man has lost his mind.

I hope that you all had a great weekend. Our weekend was quite relaxing. The only thing that I wish we accomplished was cleaning the house. The living room is an absolute disaster… I’m going to down a couple cups of coffee before I get started on this mess.

Have a great Monday!

Saturday Morning

2006-08-12T09:07:00.000-04:00

Good morning everyone,

Sorry that I haven’t written at all this week but I’ve not been feeling all that great.

Is it just me or has everyone seen mass amounts of Monarch butterflies in the area? At least I think they are Monarchs… They have surrounded my house. There seems to be hundreds of them in the woods. Speaking of woods, there happens to be plenty of yellow leaves forming! YIPPY!!!!! Fall is near… I walked outside this morning and it’s a little moist but it feels fantastic!

On October 27th Brett and I will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary. I’m trying to come up with something special but I’m drawing blanks here. I have a little time so if anyone has any suggestions other than your typical romantic dinner, please email me A.S.A.P.…

Well I have some work to do… I’ll be back a little later..

Humpday!

2006-08-09T06:52:00.000-04:00

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dreams

2006-08-06T07:28:00.000-04:00

Last night I went over to a friend’s house and there were some random strangers there that I have never seen before but one of the guys was hot as hell and through out the night he keeps motioning for me to go to the kitchen. So I’m a little curious and head back there. He grabs me, pulls me in very close and starts kissing me. Next thing I know, we’re in the laundry room fucking. We both get a nut and go back out to join the rest of the group like nothing happen. I couldn’t stay for long so I took off and went downtown to The Omni Hotel and stroll into their cocktail lounge where I see this beautiful brunette sitting at the bar. I talked with her for about 15 minutes and then we headed up to her room. We spent all night doing everything imaginable… She was wearing a string of pearls that I took off, spread her legs, put them up inside of her and slowly pulled out while I ate her pussy…. Um. Morning came and I had to get back home. On my way into the house my neighbor spotted me in the driveway and asked if he could join me for a cup of coffee. I said, “No problem.. come right in…” As soon as the door shuts, he’s got his zipper down, cock in his hand and he’s stroking it. The phone rings & it’s the guy from last night “Mr. Laundry Room”. Well my neighbor won’t stop.. He’s all over me playing with my tits and fingering my pussy while I’m on the phone. He pulls my panties to the side and slips it in while the guy on the phone is jerking off listening. Then I woke up….. UGH GOD DAMN IT! Now what am I suppose to do?

Well there you go.. I keep having these vivid dreams about having sex with strangers. I wake up in a panic because it seems so real.

floating bed

2006-08-05T09:00:00.000-04:00

This is pretty interesting.... Floating BED?

Game day!

2006-08-05T07:35:00.000-04:00

Good Morning….

Wow! It feels wonderful outside this morning.. Finally some well needed relief. Yesterday at dusk there was a storm system forming over us and the clouds were starting to cover up the sky. It went from a nasty looking green outside to a bright orange. That was one of the oddest yet most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen.

Well it’s game time!!! Today were going to place bets on some of the games we’re playing today. By the way, thanks for all of your emails on suggestions for prizes. Some of them were very unique. I’ll have to let you know if and what I win. Wish me luck!!!

XOXO

TGIF

2006-08-04T07:31:00.000-04:00

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Good Morning….

Yesterday turned out to be a little busier than expected. I had to run down to Petersburg (yuck) and was stuck there most of the afternoon so I didn’t get a chance to come back and post.

Yesterday as we all know was absolutely miserable! Every time I went outside to smoke, I started to melt. I don’t smoke in the house so the last few days were hell… So I have decided to quit smoking. I’ve talked to quite a few ex smokers to measure the best way to go about this and the most common response was “cold turkey” I’ll tell you what, I better be alone and extremely busy for at least 3 days because I’ll hurt someone! I think my biggest pitfalls will be my morning coffee, after dinner and while I’m having a drink.

Well, dinner Tuesday night was so fantastic that we stuffed ourselves to the point of COMATOSE! I think we macraméd our asses to the couch! Brett and I have a serious weakness for Italian food. We’re always on the look out for a great Italian/Greek restaurant. I’ve only found a couple in this area and they are still lacking something in a big way.….

Leaving you with a little funny... I hope that you have a fantastic weekend... XOXO

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Thirsty Thursday

2006-08-03T10:02:00.000-04:00

Good morning everyone…

It looks like we have one more day of this hot box shit till it cools off. I really have been trying to avoid going out anywhere in this weather but unfortunately I must run some errands today. I don’t think that I’ve ever consumed so much Gatorade in my life. One good thing about this weather is the complete sound of SILENCE! No children outside playing, screaming and driving my dog’s nuts!

I’ve got to get ready so I’ll be back a little later to tell you about our dinner Tuesday night and post some HUMPDAY Jokes that I missed yesterday, but I'll leave you with this..

XOXO

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August 1

2006-08-01T07:53:00.000-04:00

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It’s AUGUST!!!! WOOOO WHOOOOO!!!!! Summer is almost over thank god… I can’t wait. This triple digit shit has got to go….

One thing that I have NO TOLLERANCE for is cruelty to animals. A few doors down this P.O.S. leaves his puppy outside all morning and afternoon, confined to a small porch with no water in this heat. You could hear the poor thing crying non-stop. So I called the SPCA and the Humane Society on their sorry asses.

Put me in charge and I’ll take the owner, chain them to a tree for a couple of days in this heat with a water bowl just out of reach. And every couple of hours go out there and scissor kick them in the throat just to let them know where they stand on the totem pole of life. GRRRRRR…. Okay, now that I’m done ranting….

I’m a little bummed that we didn’t make it down to Wilmington for my friends birthday bash but there was just way too much going on here. We’re trying to make plans to go visit my folks sometime this month. The last time we went I didn’t want to go home… I just fell in love with their house and we had such a great time. The puppies could not get enough of the attention that they were getting from my folks… Little Miss Poe goes into heat every time she visits because of my parents dog Toby.

Actually we’ve been playing with the idea of possibly breeding Poe-Poe. So we are on the lookout for a 3 to 3 ½ lb. male yorkie. I think I may have found one but I have to be sure of his size. He is the most adorable little thing….

Well I’m going to be making this kick ass recipe for Stuffed Shells this afternoon so I’ve gotta go! Ummmm, just thinking about it is making me hungry.

Stay cool…

Weekend lightning bug!

2006-07-31T07:48:00.000-04:00

A lightening bug has taken up residence in my living room!

I’m on my computer early Friday morning about 5:30 am so it’s still dark out. And out of the corner of my eye for a brief second I catch a green glowing flash of light. At first I didn’t pay it any mind. Till I saw it again and realized it’s a big lightening bug! It must have come through the front door when someone was coming in or leaving.

We have dark cherry almost mocha furniture. Do you have any idea how hard it’s going to be to find him??? As slow moving as they are you would think this would be easy. I turn the lights on and he stops blinking so I can’t find him. I turn the lights off and he starts blinking again but that’s all I can see. I can’t catch the son of a bitch!

Any who, How in the hell is everyone? I hope that you all had a very fantabulous weekend. Brett and I took it easy again however I did have to work a little, but nothing major. We went over to his mother’s house for lunch Sunday afternoon and the neighbors were having a party. They displayed a huge DUNK TANK in the backyard. Brett being the goofball he is had to try it out before we went home. His mother just pushed the button and in he went. LOL….

It’s going to be a scorcher this week! Today in the Richmond, VA Area it will get up to 97 degrees with the heat index at 105. It will be 102 degrees tomorrow with the heat index hitting 115 and Wednesday it will reach 102 degrees. Try and stay cool and have a great Monday!

XOXO

Thirsty Thursday....

2006-07-27T08:48:00.000-04:00

HELLO~

For the past few days I haven’t been able to sleep. I might have gotten 10 hours of sleep in a 3 day period.. 2:30am Wednesday morning I’m lying in bed, staring at the ceiling and I can feel a hard dick pressed against my leg. Brett had no idea how close he came to getting mounted and raped. I was so very tempted but I didn’t have the heart to wake him knowing that he had to be up at 5:00am for work. He’s in for it some time today!!!

I have a bunch of things to do today so I’m outta here for now. Have a great day!!!

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Happy Humpday!

2006-07-26T06:58:00.000-04:00

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Suicide Squirrels

2006-07-24T09:01:00.000-04:00

Good Morning,

I hope that everyone had a fantastic weekend! We sure as hell did!!!!!! Brett and I wasted the entire weekend sitting in front of our computers playing Ghost Recon… When I close my eyes I still see myself moving around the different types of terrain. I am extremely addicted to this game!

A kick ass thunderstorm came through Saturday night and we lost power a few times… We sat on the porch and just watched the lightning. A few bolts came awfully close to the house. Made me jump right out of my seat which gave Brett an excuse to pick on me… Speaking of sitting on the porch, to top off my weekend, I went out to the porch to write up a “Honey Do” list Sunday morning and I witnessed the oddest thing.

Let me paint a little picture for you…

You see, we are backed up to thick woods and a small stream so a lot of animals trek through such as possums, various types of birds, cats and of course squirrels. Some of the oak trees are huge and I frequently see squirrels jump from one tree to the next using the flimsiest of limbs. I knew that it was just a matter of time before I witnessed a suicide.

Four to Five stories up on this HUGE oak tree I saw it…….

“HE LEAPT, HE MISSED, HE THUMPED”

There was a brief moment that I thought I heard the release of gas… Have you ever heard a squirrel scream? Very unpleasant. Well after that I felt he or she needed a name but either way I decided to name him (Ooops!) Sorry but I have to LMAO!!!!!

Moving on….

If you called this weekend I will get back with you A.S.A.P… I managed to loose my cell phone in the couch! Finally found it last night and I’ve got 10 messages on there….

OKAY! I’m out of here for a little while…. Have a great Monday everyone!

Artwork

2006-07-21T07:40:00.000-04:00

Good Morning!!!

T.G.I.F.

OK, a lot of you have sent me e-mails to ask me if that cartoon on my shirt is of me and if it was the same one that was the header for this page. Yes! The artwork was taken from one of my photos. The artist just turned me into a toon. My friend Chris (an outstanding & very professional photographer) who owns CSI Studios here in Richmond took the original photo.

Sorry to cut this short but I have so much to do today... XOXO

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Astroglide

2006-07-19T08:02:00.000-04:00

Hello~Hello~

It was a fucking scorcher yesterday. I think we reached 101 and the heat index was at 109! I felt like I was melting every time I walked outside. I’m almost relieved that it’s going to be in the lower 90’s today. The humidity is still going to be hell but I’ll take that over the bullshit we had to go through yesterday.

Brett & I have a running tally of jokes that we play on each other. I’m down by 2, so if anyone has any ideas, give me a shout! Please keep in mind that these are not cruel jokes. These are just little pranks that we can both giggle at. I have one set aside for when we go to a store. Which reminds me of what happen the last time we were at the grocery store. LOL… This was not done on purpose nor does this count on our tally sheet but it was pretty funny.

So we’re in the grocery store to pick up a bottle of lube. My favorite happens to be Astroglide. I realized that they had a few different sizes so I look over to Brett and ask him, “small or large?” I start to examine the bottles a little closer to see if there were any with a pump dispenser and noticed that he didn’t answer me. So I looked back up at Brett and he is about 3 shades light of red. Out of the corner of my eye I catch 2 of the pharmacists who were both women, giggling. I look down at the display and realize that the condoms were in the same section.

He had to remind me that you never ask a guy that question in public. LMAO!!!!

Now every time we go into that store he scoots by the pharmacy section really quick!

Humpday Joke!

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked, "Is an intruder in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. With in five minutes, three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence. Of course, the police caught the burglars red handed.

One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

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T-shirt Hell

2006-07-17T07:36:00.000-04:00

If you are easily offended:

DO NOT CLICK HERE!

crash helmet

2006-07-17T07:33:00.000-04:00

Good morning,

UGH! It’s Monday… The beginning of the dreaded work week for some. Cleaning and laundry up to the eyeballs for me. Actually there’s not too much to do today so I’ll be able to spend some time finishing up all of my online projects. We nursed our hangovers yesterday and spent a lot of time laying on the couch zoning.. We also repeated our offences from the night before, now both of us have overly chapped knees, I broke 2 nails, somehow managed to scrape my elbows and forehead. I’m getting a pair of knee pads and a crash helmet!!!

Well, it looks like our trip to Wilmington is postponed till the end of July. We’re hoping to make it down there for my friend’s birthday bash. I can’t wait, I’m dying to get out on the beach! I’ve gotta split for now, I hope that you all have a great day. XOXO

Fell off the Wagon!

2006-07-16T08:49:00.000-04:00

Does it feel like a GREENHOUSE outside or what? I walk outside and my hair FRIZZES and my make-up slides off my face. I’m sportin’ oh natural and the beach bun till this hellish episode ends. It is suppose to be 102 on Tuesday and need I say this is not the heat index! You will find me in the air conditioning.

Well I trust that everyone had a good weekend... I fell off the wagon head first! Oh my, the pain.. I think I have the whiskey shakes from downing too much last night. That was the worst idea ever! I’ve got a nasty little kink right behind my left shoulder blade. I went to arch my back to stretch out a little and I sounded like a bowl of rice crispys after adding milk. I have a little bit of rug burn on my back, Brett has massive rug burn on the tops of his feet and the purple love chair needs to be cleaned!!! I’m finding spots of astroglide all over the place.. EWWWW….

I am going to have a little meeting with the hair of the puppy and take a couple of aspirin cause the coffee isn’t cutting it this morning.

Games People Play

2006-07-15T09:41:00.000-04:00

Good Morning,

Ever since Brett & I met, we realized that we were both pretty competitive. We get the urge to play games like your basic board games, cards, darts, pool, etc… It wasn’t enough to win. We wanted to win something… We usually place a wager on it. We try to keep prizes under $75.00 You know, little things that you could get yourself but would like it more if someone else went to get it for you. Or we trade off with sexual acts consisting of SUB/DOM (servant) type requests, basically SEX ACTS ON DEMAND! Things we normally don’t do.

Well for the last few days I’ve had a very good streak and won everything! So now I am having a hard time coming up with new stuff to win. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Maybe I should up the anti to win a “Air Hockey Table” so that I may kick his ass in that game too! LOL

I sent Brett off to play Golf with his buddy so I could have the house to myself for a few hours. God only knows what type of trouble those two are getting themselves into at the moment. I have a little work to do so I’ll catch you all later. Have a FANTABULOUS Saturday!!!

TGIF

2006-07-14T07:53:00.000-04:00

I awoke at 4:55 am to the power flickering…. We lost power 3 different times in 5 minutes. I figured that was my cue to get the hell out of bed. Well what actually woke me up was my “Lamp Commander.” For those of you that have never heard of a lamp commander, it’s a little voice activated device that you can attach to lamps, t.v.s, or anything that uses electricity really. It (lamp commander) resets itself and goes through 4 phases, “on, dim, dimmer and off.” What’s worse is that it has specific beeps per setting. So it looked like strobes were going off in the room along with a series of very annoying beeps. Brett slept through everything.

Ooooooh, I’m on the JAVA SLIDE!!!!!! I’m on my 3rd cup of coffee… I think I need to get something to eat before I get too jittery.. Have a great day!

Happy Humpday!

2006-07-12T07:39:00.000-04:00

Good Morning~

We got a little lazy last night after dinner and chilled on the couch watching "4 Rooms." “CLICK, CHOP, SWIPE!” Heheheeeeee…I love the way “TED” sachets his way to the elevator. Rooms 3 & 4 kill me every time!

Icky Sticky Yah~Yah~Yah~ Well it looks like it’s going to be very hot for the rest of the week and with this humidity it’s going to be unbearable! I do not smoke in the house so I’m going from a cool 72 degrees inside to a humid 96 degrees outside. I’m asking for a serious cold.

I’ve got a million things to get done today so I've got to go. Have a fantastic day…. XOXO

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in PITTSBURGH. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hootch and got completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing."

"What's that?"

"Have you farted yet?"

"No"

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver."

Myspace Glitters

2006-07-10T13:08:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone!!!

Holy CRAP! The last 7 days just FLEW by… I hope that you all had a great 4th of July Vacation! Ours lasted a little longer than we expected but it was fantastic… Lots of great food, games, sex, small catastrophes and lovin’. Friday evening we had a lovely grease fire on the grill! YIKES!!! I came so close to hosing Brett down with the fire extinguisher and ruining our dinner. LOL! We were able to get it under control with in a few minutes but not before we set off the smoke alarm.

Sorry that I’ve been out of pocket but we were doing a little bit of maintenance & upgrading to our computers this past week. We are turning one of my desktops into a little server. The internet is CRAWLING this morning… UGH, it’s taking forever just to get from page to page

I wanted to thank everyone for the wonderful compliments and emails over the last week. I will be getting back with you shortly.

*Jen* Good luck with the contest next week… I hope you win!!!! Say HI to Ron for me… XOXO

Happy 4th of July

2006-07-04T08:13:00.000-04:00

Myspace Glitters