Monday, October 31, 2005 HAPPY HALLOWEEN
Roxy Klein at 7:53:00 AM
Friday, October 21, 2005
I know that I normally post jokes on Wednesday but I couldn't help myself..
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off. . "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. . I always smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why: . I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day. Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. . That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass everyday. . Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers! . In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has P.M.S. . That's 642. . According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449. According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34% describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33. . According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and this number is increasing. That means that Every Single Day, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has P.M.S., and is armed. . Flip one off? Helloooooo ... I think not!
Roxy Klein at 11:27:00 AM
Holy Hangover,
One bottle of wine and my head is pounding… I woke up at 3 am. and could not fall back to sleep. Brett was all over the bed hogging the covers, spread eagle, flipping around and stealing the remote so there I sit, stuck, watching fucking infomercials. Some of the dumbest shit is on TV at that hour. They almost had me convinced that I needed a dremil tool… I figured out why they put this crap on at these ungodly hours. They want to make sure that you are disoriented and half awake so you will pull out your credit card and buy their product. They got me once… Bastards! I bought a total gym about 10 years ago. It ended up being a clothes rack. I’m listening to Elliot and a couple of people have called in about someone or something hanging by a Neuse by a sign over the highway on 95 North. Three people called in stating that this is a dummy for a Halloween prank. Go figure…. They had to shut down the entire highway to get this mannequin down.. That was a pretty good one… LOL! Well the movie DOOM comes out tonight. I’m actually looking forward to seeing this movie seeing as how I’m such a big fan of the game. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to check it out this weekend… I’ve got to split but I’ll be back in a little while…. XOXO
Roxy Klein at 6:42:00 AM
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Good morning,
Yet another hurricane headed for the Gulf of Mexico.. This is the 21st named storm and the 12th hurricane of the season. It looks like Hurricane Wilma will be taking a course over Florida. www.weather.com If you haven’t heard already, the Power Ball lottery is up to $340 million. Elliot in the Morning decided to buy a shit load of power ball tickets, rent a helicopter and throw them over a crowd in a parking lot somewhere in DC. The moron they got to drop the balls started dropping them 1 by 1. There’s some brilliance for yah… People were beating the crap out each other…. Anywho, I'm heading out for a little while. I'll catch up with you all later. Have a Happy Humpday..... When opening a can of Carnation evaporated milkfor your recipes just Smile and think of this. A little old lady from Newfoundland had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940's, she read anadvertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all...." She said, I know all about milk and dairy farms.. I can do this! She sent in her entry, and about aweek later, a black limo drove up in front of her house... a man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it...." Here is her entry: Carnation milk is best of all, no tits to pull, no hay to haul, no buckets to wash, no shit to pitch, just poke a hole in the son-of-a-bitch.
Roxy Klein at 11:22:00 AM
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Well another fabulous weekend spent… DALLAS WINS AGAIN!!!!! From what I understand, Dallas tried to loose but the Giants would not let them. LMAO….. We didn’t get a chance to actually watch the game BUT the look on Brett’s face when we found out the score was excitement enough. Can you picture a 6’5, 225 lb. man doing a happy dance?
Oh yeah, that was a treat. It’s Tuesday morning and I’m sitting on my balcony, listening to Elliot in the Morning, freezing my ass off… I think it’s about 50 degrees out here if that... I’m tempted to call in just so I can get a “Smell my face” t-shirt. He needs to make a “Smell my face” ring tone…. That would fly… Anywho…. I’ve gotta get back to work…. Have a good one!
Roxy Klein at 6:51:00 AM
Friday, October 14, 2005
Good morning everyone….. Finally, the weekend is here!!! I swear this week has just dragged ass.
Our 1 year anniversary is coming up on the 27th. I cannot believe that it’s been a year already… I’m trying to come up with something special to do and I’m drawing massive blanks… A kick ass dinner and obscene amounts of sex are a given but I want to come up with something that’s going to blow his mind. If you have any ideas please email me… So I’m in the middle of investigating a top notch Sex Swing. Not one of those flimsy ones that you can find at any Pricilla’s Lingerie shop but a heavy duty, custom made SEX SWING! Now I believe the average holds up to 420 lbs. and spins 360. which is more than enough security but the problem that I keep hearing about is where to put them because you have to bolt that fucker into a beam to secure them properly. Well I’ve got a few things to do this morning… I might be back a little later…
Roxy Klein at 7:40:00 AM
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Good morning,
I couldn’t sleep Monday night so I tripped my way down the staircase & watched Pittsburgh & San Diego pumble the crap out of each other. That was a pretty decent game. Made me feel a hell of a lot better. I'm pretty excited about a few of the games that are going on this weekend. We will be going to the bar so we can watch them all at once. Well anywho, it's Wednesday..... Happy Humpday yall! NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N: Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. ST. M O M M A'S W O R T: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days. P E P T O B I M B O: Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception. D U M B E R O L: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks. F L I P I T O R: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. M E N I C I L L I N: Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?" BUYAGRA: Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree. J A C K A S S P I R I N: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat. A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators. N A G A M E N T: When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him. D A M N I T O L: Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
Roxy Klein at 6:21:00 AM
Monday, October 10, 2005
Good Morning~
I hope that everyone had a great weekend!!! We finally got some rain here in Richmond after almost 2 months of drought.., Complete fucking down pour out there, I’m loving it! I guess this is supposed to be the remains of tropical storm Tammy… Still waiting for some thunder, maybe even a little lightening. (yawn) Brett & I had an, ”order a pizza, fuck & be lazy” kind of Friday night. Saturday & Sunday consistently followed the same theme… I swear that man has me DICKMATIZED!!!!!!! We watched football Sunday afternoon. Dallas SPANKED the shit out of The Eagles hard! 33 to 10 “ASS Raped” comes to mind! WOOOHOOOOOO!!! The Patriots beat The Falcons 31-28…. Hell Yeah!! I’ll be back in a little bit…. I’ve got a few things to take care of…
Roxy Klein at 7:14:00 AM
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Good Morning All,
Sorry that I missed Humpday.... Here is a pretty good one... Have a great day! MORAL QUESTION This test only has the one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line. ============================ THE SITUATION You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo journalist working for a major newspaper,and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation isnearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water.Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury. ============================ THE TEST Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options--you can save the life of George W.Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo,documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful politicians. ============================ THE QUESTION Here's the question, and please give an honest answer: Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?:-)
Roxy Klein at 6:30:00 AM
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
This is too funny.....
“Elliot in the Morning” is going off on Nissan Pavilion & clear channel for canceling Shantytown… I think that this is one of their BEST SHOWS EVER!!! I don’t blame him a bit….. GET'EM
Roxy Klein at 8:29:00 AM
Tuesday, October 04, 2005 Submissive Servant I never thought in a million years that I would be into this, in fact my normal response was “What the fuck were you thinking?” But I guess it’s all about having the right partner. Brett is a very Dominate man in bed, well in every sense of the word really... I have always seemed to attract the submissive types, till now. This man can fuck a woman down and make her think that she is still being fucked after the fact... I have never been “TAKEN” before, usually there is a give and take theme but for the most part I’m in control and on occasion I let them think that they are. I was in for a rude awakening the first time I tried that with Brett. Not only could I not walk for about 6 hours but my ass still hurts when I sit down. He does everything to me that I could possibly want and we’ve even come up with a few new ones that I’ve never heard or seen. I’ve found a new pleasure in being a submissive servant or the equivalent of a D/s. All of my life I’ve been use to men that C.O.D. (Cum on demand) Sex usually lasts for about 5 maybe 10 minutes if I’m lucky. It only lasted longer if it was their 3rd or 4th time that day. 31 years old and I never had been with a man that was in control of his own dick. Sad, I know.. Over (undisclosed number) of men and only one is able to really perform.. It was a running joke that I didn’t get. A partner, in a business that I owned experienced this right along with me with out even knowing… We would entertain at parties and one night she & I straddled a guy who was “FULLY DRESSED”. With in 3 minutes he came in his pants in front of all his frat brothers. It was sad and everyone felt bad for him. I’m sure the poor guy never forgot that night and I know that his friends never let him live it down. My point is, it was a common thing that happens to me during sex or anything remotely resembling sex. Even expected! I had no idea I was getting gypped till Brett came along. OK, I know that this is not the norm coming out of me but I love choking on Brett’s cock! I get off on the fact that he makes me work hard just to please him. He pushes his cock to the back of my throat till my eyes start to water and he forces me to accept it. It makes my pussy sopping wet!!!! The first time we ever had sex I had an issue with his size. He was way too big in every way and it felt awkward to me. It lasted about 30 minutes and at that point I was just thinking to myself, “Jesus, would you please cum already.” The upside to this was the multiples that he gave me, so I felt the need to at least repay him for that. I told him to cum on my tits. As he’s spraying his load all over my chest I opened my mouth, grabbed his cock & started to play in his cum. Rubbing & jerking it all over my face & tits, moaning and milking what was left. I looked up and he’s got a grin bigger than the state of Texas on his face. I didn’t realize till later that he was obsessed with me and I with him… huh, go figure… This is what I’ve been missing all these years, “all of my life”. He wasn’t about to take the shit that I have dished out to so many others time & time again with their smiling faces & Pay Per View “ready to accept it with a spoon and a smile” look. This was different and I loved it…..Every hard pounding, thrusting inch of it… LOL
Roxy Klein at 11:25:00 PM
Good afternoon,
I hope that everyone had a fantastic weekend! Brett & I had a VERY SEXY & OUTRAGEOUS TIME! We spent most of our weekend in bed doing anything and everything that came to mind. It was an all out fuck fest that destroyed our bedroom, bathroom, living room, balcony & kitchen…. Now It’s a struggle to walk in a normal fashion. Unfortunately Dallas lost Sunday but we still had a good time. Lot’s of great food, napping, snuggling & enjoying each others company. Ultimately servicing every inch of each other. Neither one of us wanted it to end. Well I hope that you all have a terrific Tuesday….. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow. XOXO
Roxy Klein at 2:04:00 PM
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