Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Good Morning~
It’s a wee chilly out here this morning… I hope that you all are enjoying your week so far. It’s Humpday and I’ve got a good one for you… Happy Humpday…. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dear Husband: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone. P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are movingaway to West Virginia together! Have a great life! Your EX-Wife . Dear Ex-Wife Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true thatyou and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is afar cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drownout your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care. P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem. Signed Rich As Hell and Free! . Thanks Raeford!
Roxy Klein at 5:57:00 AM
Monday, September 26, 2005
Elliot from Elliot in the morning is bitching about The Patriots! Awwwwww, it is what it is, DEAL WITH IT!
"SMELL MY FACE!"
Roxy Klein at 7:46:00 AM
Good morning everyone! I’m in one hell of a great mood… Both our teams WON!!!!!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO the Dallas Cowboys beat the 49ers which put Brett in a fantastic mood! And to top the night off, the New England Patriots Won Yesterday against the Steelers! Hell yeah……. Well we had a fabulous weekend! Brett & I have been watching a lot of movies lately. The good, the bad and the just plain shitty…. We saw THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN Friday night. If you need a good long laugh or some cheering up, this movie will put you in a fantastic mood. Some movies waste all the good parts in their advertising trailers.. This one did not! It is unbelievably funny! We laughed so hard that I fell out of my chair & Brett had tears in his eyes. If I was under the influence, I would have pissed myself…… Well, I FINALLY got to see BAD SANTA… (Yeah I know, it took me long enough) HILARIOUS! Maybe it’s just my sick sense of humor but I couldn’t stop laughing. You have to love a movie that 3 guys get punched in the bean bag with in 15 seconds. It’s out on DVD so go rent it! I think that with in the last 6 months we have also checked out Constantine, XXX, Skeleton Key, Bad News Bears, Sin City, The Island, Blade 3, Hostage, House of Wax, Animal, The Killing Kind The Descent: VERY Slow at first and I’m still not sure about the ending. The Devil’s Rejects: I’ve mentioned this once before, this movie scares the shit out of me! It’s Hillbilly Hell on acid. Hitch: Pretty good, I’ve always liked Wil Smith. The Longest Yard: Good Star Wars 3: Ummm, I loved the first 3 and it was interesting to see the last one just because it explains how Darth Vader was came about. Mr. & Mrs. Smith: Decent and definitely appealing in a “shoot’em up kind of way” but a little disappointing at the same time. I really wanted to see more sex between Jolie and Pitt but no dice… Amityville Horror: Pretty good… A remake that obviously couldn’t be all that bad because the original was fantastic and the director followed the original story line instead of throwing his own (self righteous) views into play. War of the Worlds: Ehhhh, Interesting to a degree but if I had a choice I would wait for the DVD. Hide & Seek: (Don’t bother) Despite the fantastic cast, the movie actually sucked big hairy balls… Dakota Fanning is a very talented actress and I look forward to watching her acting career advance. Boogie Man: (Pathetic) Wasted time and effort for all of the people involved. Let’s see how fast we can get it out on DVD so we can sucker more people into seeing this piece of shit… Wedding Crashers: Funny…. Fantastic 4 Funny: I liked it! The Ring 2: LAME! Four Brothers: Outstanding! There are a few more but I'm drawing a blank at the moment... Well, I hope that you all have a terrific Monday! I'll be back a little later after I get a little work done! XOXO, Ciao
Roxy Klein at 6:08:00 AM
Thursday, September 22, 2005
A blonde was sitting on the train reading the newspaper.
The headline blared, "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed." She shook her head at the sad news, then turned to the stranger sitting next to her and asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"
Roxy Klein at 9:52:00 AM
Good morning everyone,
Oooh! Another hurricane…. We’re just packing them in this year! Hurricane Rita is on its way to kick the ever living crap out of TEXAS… We still have until November 30 before hurricane season ends. Man, that area is just getting pounded! 4 more to go till we extend into the Greek Alphabet! My advice to you all, RUN! Ahhh, Summer is GONE!!!! 6:23pm today, autumn arrives! I've got a few things to do. I’ll be back a little later today…
Roxy Klein at 6:32:00 AM
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
100 degree heat, slow start up and I fell asleep when the score was 10 to 0 Dallas… I wake up only to find out that DALLAS LOST….. UGH FUCK! Elliot is bashing the shit out of the Cowboys this morning.. Poor Brett is probably looking for a wall to crash into right about now.
I slept hard last night… I could not seem to get out of bed this morning. I’ve been trying to get over this cold that’s been kicking the crap out of me ever since I got home from my trip. Well tonight I’m going to try and watch “My name is Earl” The commercials look pretty good. I just want to see that old lady beat Earl with the duck again. LOL I might be back a little later… I’ve got some things to take care of… Ciao for now
Roxy Klein at 7:32:00 AM
Monday, September 19, 2005
Good morning~
FUCK!!!!! My ears are still popping from the flight! I usually don’t have a problem with this but the day we headed back home I woke up sick as a dog… My head was stuffy and I couldn’t stop coughing… Now I have continuous popping in my right ear… ……….. OK, that was my little rant for the day……… Hey-Hey, Football Season is underway. Dallas VS Redskins tonight at 8 pm. Surprisingly Dallas kicked some butt during the pre-season… Brett is a HUGE Dallas fan. Personally I’ve always been a fan of the Patriots, ehh, whatcha gonna do? SO for his birthday back in May, I arranged for him to pick a day that he wanted to see Dallas play live in Texas when the season started up again. It looks like we might be headed to Texas in November or December. Well, I've gotta split for now... Have a GREAT MONDAY!
Roxy Klein at 7:21:00 AM
Hello there ~
How is everyone doing? I hope that you all had a fantastic week! WOW, what a trip! We had a flight to catch at 6:15 am Friday morning so after getting our tickets and finding our gate, we had a little time to kill and decided that there was no better way to start this trip then do a couple shots of tequila! We didn’t hear our flight being called so we were scolded once we arrived at the gate. Apparently we were holding up the flight.. LOL.. We had a layover in O’hare and wouldn’t you know it, the same thing happen there too. Ooops! Brett & I spent the week on his family’s ranch in Wisconsin. This place is HUGE! 133 acres loaded with horses, sheep, 4 big dogs, a couple of lamas, rams and a little tabby kitten that was affectionately named, “Get the hell off my porch.” They had a beautiful house with a kitchen to die for. I personally spent a lot of time drinking margaritas in their pool and relaxing as much as I could! We did a little bit of sight seeing but spent most of our time on the ranch. At dusk we would take walks out into the fields where they kept about 18 to 20 horses. Every time we entered this pasture the horses started running towards us. I was a little nervous at first because they did not slow down till the very last minute. We were surrounded! They were acting like your everyday average family pets.. They wanted to be loved on! If you didn’t pay attention to them, they would nuzzle you to pet them. It was a great experience and I wouldn’t mind going back. We got back around 11:30 Tuesday night after a couple of flight delays, (fucking airlines) went straight home and passed out! Well it’s getting late and I have to be up at 5 am. I missed HUMPDAY and wanted to throw in a few funnies…. I’ll talk with you soon! XOXO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the yearsthey had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, theiractivities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,"Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a longtime.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought,but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is. "Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared andglared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Having a Bad Day???? In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. on; Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents.The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 a.m., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner. Having a Bad Day???? The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both. Still think you are having a Bad Day???? A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman. STILL think you're having Bad Day???? Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.The two helpless protesters were trampled to death. What?? STILL having a Bad Day???? Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits. There now, feeling better????
Roxy Klein at 1:19:00 AM
Thursday, September 08, 2005
OK kitty-kats,
We are out of here tomorrow and I won't be posting durring our vacation so I'm leaving you with some funnies! Have a great weekend everyone! XOXO ~~~~~~~~~~ Heed this warning. Do NOT lose your grandkids in the Mall! A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big butts." The Cop almost fell over, he was laughing so hard ~~~~~~~~~~ . . . A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Roxy Klein at 4:13:00 PM
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Roxy Klein at 9:35:00 AM
 If you haven’t heard of them yet, do yourself a favor check out SGR… Very kick ass band!!! Bryan, I still like this one the best!
Roxy Klein at 7:05:00 AM
TAXES: Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax Capital Gains Tax CDL license Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Court Fines(indirect taxes) Dog License Tax Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel permit tax Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon) Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Interest expense(tax on the money) Inventory tax IRS Interest Charges(tax on top of tax) IRS Penalties(tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Local Income Tax Luxury Taxes Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Septic Permit Tax Service Charge Taxes Social Security Tax Road Usage Taxes (Truckers) Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax Road Toll Booth Taxes School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone federal excise tax Telephone federal universal service fee tax Telephone federal, state andlocal surcharge taxes Telephone minimum usage surcharge tax Telephone recurring and non-recurring charges tax Telephone state and local tax Telephone usage charge tax Toll Bridge Taxes Toll Tunnel Taxes Traffic Fines (indirect taxation) Trailer Registration Tax Utility Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago and our nation was the most prosperous in the world, had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What the hell happened?
Roxy Klein at 6:26:00 AM
Happy HUMPDAY!
I’m sorry that I didn’t catch up with all of you yesterday but I had a deadline to meet. I hope that everyone had a fantastic holiday weekend! You couldn’t have asked for better weather! Mid 80’s and no humidity! Fantastic weather for driving with the top off which we did Sunday night down to Shockoe Bottom… According to weather.com, it will be like this all week, which is fantastic for what I have planned… We leave Friday for Wisconsin and should be back around Tuesday.. And I leave you with something to think about! Have a great Wednesday everyone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me home made soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Funeral A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"
Roxy Klein at 5:58:00 AM
Friday, September 02, 2005
Good morning everyone~
It’s finally FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooo hoooooo… Brett & I are planning a terrific Labor Day Weekend with lots of food, fun & heavy petting… LOL, I love that term. Does anyone else have a problem with that name, “Labor Day Weekend?” Maybe it’s just me. Anyway, around 5pm I’ll have a little drink to masturbate my brain and I’m ready to go. OK, keeping off the topic of Katrina… Did I ever tell you the story about my vibrator? I have a favorite toy that I always use.. My Little vibrating egg! One afternoon it failed over and over again while I was trying to get off! After closer examination it came to my attention that the wire that connects the egg to the remote was frayed. Out of pure frustration I grab the side with the remote and whipped the egg into the wall.. Now common sense tells me that this little plastic egg will bust into a bunch of pieces once it hits that wall. You would think? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no… I couldn’t have planned this response if I tried. So I’m lying there, on the floor trying to figure out what in the hell just happen. Imagine my surprise when the egg bounces off the wall and comes back at me hitting me “dead center” of my forehead, knocking me on my ass. I had a black & blue egg shaped bump on my forehead that lasted 2 weeks. YNOT BOB sent me a new egg after I knocked myself out with the last one. This thing has more setting and digital read outs then NASA’s switch board. It took me about 4 days to figure it out and get it to work without burning/vibrating my clit off! UGH, thank you BOB!!! I hope you all have a great day... I might be back a little later... XOXO
Roxy Klein at 7:23:00 AM
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Hello SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!
WOW, GAS PRICES have gone SKY HIGH in the last 2 days! Up to .80 cents per gallon in some places…. So this is what it feels like to be ass raped! Man, I thought car salesmen were bad…. A new moon tonight will be great for star gazing if you are into that type of thing… I’ve got some house cleaning to do because we’ve got a fantastic Labor Day weekend planned… However at the same time this is going to be a difficult holiday to celebrate with all of those people suffering in the Gulf Coast. God I feel so sorry for those people. I think at the most I was without power for 2 ½ weeks during hurricane Bertha. They are stating that they will be without power & water for 4 to 6 weeks if not more… There are also talks about leveling the city and starting over. Absolute Chaos!!!! You really can’t blame any of them for acting like psychotic fuck heads…. If you lost everything and had no water or food, it’s down to survival of the fittest or at least the one with the most balls & a shotgun! Well I've gotta go for now... There are a few telemarketers I need to take out!
Roxy Klein at 11:42:00 AM
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